That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
