we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize