He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
