I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
