I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
