I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
