last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
