I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
