i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
