I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
