Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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