You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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