Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
