if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
