i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
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