I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
