life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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