The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
