Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
