forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
That accounts for only three of the penises
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
