i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
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So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
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Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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