Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
