I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
