he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
