im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
