I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
