3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Found the puke drawer
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
