I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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