But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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