My room smells like vodka and shame
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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