I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
