A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize