You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
