mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
