a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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