my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
