Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
