If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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