i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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