It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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