Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
