...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
