We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize