I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
