I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
