Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
