Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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