ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
