Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just forgot I was standing up.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
