You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
