hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
