no. you can't hotbox the world.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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