He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
