I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
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i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
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He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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