All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
