dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
