I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i already hear my dad disowning me
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
