Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
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Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
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He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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