She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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