I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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