I cannot find my penis.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
