Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
