thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
