I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
