The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
