dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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