So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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