I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
