Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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