too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
