Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
