i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
