he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
