Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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