I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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