Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
