You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
